The idea that we can control anything in this world is an illusion.
Can we really control other people?
Only if they allow this to happen. At any moment they can decide to stop being controlled and our control goes out of the window. Sure thing, some people allow this to happen longer and more often than others, but it’s still THEIR choice, not OURS. It would be so tempting to think it was our choice, right?
We can’t control external circumstances either.
I’m not even talking about natural disasters and Covid-19, just think about morning traffic jams and delayed trains which ruin our work schedules.
The only thing we can really control is ourselves -
our thoughts, emotions and actions. And here I hate the word ‘control’. It’s not about control, it’s about shaping our thoughts, emotions and actions. Shaping them the way WE want so that we can change OUR life.
So, how can we stay ‘in control’?
1. Stay aware of what’s going around you and who’s around you. We can’t control life and other people but we can be informed so that when it’s time to make a decision we have the information we need.
2. Be prepared for the unexpected. Embrace that life happens. Embrace this idea sincerely and at all levels - mentally, emotionally and physically. That way nasty surprises won’t shake you as much. Also, being prepared gives you an opportunity to think on your feet and make the right decision - quickly.
3. Stay balanced - in all ways possible, mentally, emotionally and physically. Do whatever you need to do to stay balanced at all levels. It’s easier to deal with life and toxic people when you’re calm and balanced.
4. Stay reasonably positive. I say ‘reasonably’ because I’m sick and tired of all this bubbly positivity which is being sold to us all over the web. It’s not always possible to stay 100% positive with everyone. Try that with a hard core narcissist and you’ll see what I mean. Yet, we can always stay reasonably positive, or at least we can avoid immediately jumping into negative assumptions.
5. Self-awareness is key to success. Understand what you think and why, how you feel and why, and how you act and why. If you don’t understand your own mental and emotional processes, how can you even hope to control anything at all?