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How I got away from the darkness

There’s a better life for everyone and it’s not out there somewhere. The better life starts in our minds – by removing fear, limitations, anger, worthlessness – and it’s our conscious choice and every day work.

I used to be a cold-hearted angry person full of hate and contempt. I didn’t come across like that, but those who came to know me closer, would very soon discover my coldness and anger. I was full of soft spots and whenever something triggered my anger, I’d come down on that person like an avalanche, trying to take the person down with me – into the cold dark spiral of hatred. I quite enjoyed watching smiles wiped away from people’s faces.

In my late 30s the crisis came: I couldn’t relate to the world and people in the same way any longer. The cold pain in my heart was becoming physical, the energy levels were at their lowest and I'd built a wall around myself so that people couldn’t get through.

I decided that enough was enough and tried to recall the feeling of inner peace and balance. I was hoping to start aligning my thoughts, emotions and reactions to that vision of balance. Yet, I couldn’t find even a distant memory of what ‘being balanced and in peace’ meant. The memory was simply not there, perhaps because it was never there. So, I reluctantly prayed and asked for help – for the first time in all those years.

Help arrived soon: the feeling of absolute balance, harmony, stillness and peace arrived in my sleep and got embedded in my heart and head, embedded for the rest of my life.

During the next six months, every single morning I brought the vision of inner peace and balance to the surface of my heart, and throughout the day I was working hard to align my thoughts and emotions to that vision. The first six months were very much a pendulum – I’d spend a week in a balanced state and then a couple of days in a state of hate and anger. Then back again. And again. But I persevered.


Today, I feel very much like a reborn person. In the last 10 years, I can’t recall a single day when I’d wake up sad or in a bad mood. Nothing bothers me when I go to sleep, but if it does, I can shrug it away within minutes. My life has changed for the better: I started initiatives – both in my professional and private life – which I have never dreamt about before. My financial situation and my career improved. Difficult situations somehow work out well. Difficult people turn out not to be that difficult when I look at them closer.

But what matters most is that I know that whatever comes my way, I’ll be able re-shape my life by re-shaping my beliefs, attitudes and behaviours.

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